Political Action Groups
in Local Bid for Members
FAIR
LAWN, March 3—As a result of the great success of AIPAC (American Israel Public
Affairs Committee), a variety of organizations have formed political action and public
affairs groups to press their advocacy of parochial points of view.
For the benefit of our readership, and as an aid to readers who
are looking for a group with common aims and objectives, the Kronikle is publishing a list
of the more prominent of these organizations. At press time, the following groups were
active in Fair Lawn.
RATPAC (Rabbis Against Tradition Political Action Committee)
JAPPAC (Jewish-American Princesses Poised And Costly)
NITPIC (NITty-gritty Poskim In Cherem)
ICEPAC (Insecure Conservative Elocution Political Action Committee)
OPECPAC (Orthodox Protesting Ecumenical Conservatives Political Action Committee)
COLDPAC (Conservative and Orthodox Late Daveners Political Action Committee)
HOTPAC (Haredi Orthodox ThrowersPolice Anticipation Committee)
WORMPAC (Weary Of Reform Movement Political Action Committee)
SLEPAC (Soviet–Leaving Emigres Political Action Committee)
PUPIC (Post–Umbilical Protrusion Investigating Committee)
PACPAK(People Against Congregational Presidents Announcing "Kaddish!")
PACPIK (Presidents Against Congregational People Insisting on "Kiddush!")
ACPAC (Af Cappores Poultry Aviation Club)
LACPAC (LAte Comers Preaching Avoidance Club)
CHNIOKPAC (CHassidic NIgunim are OK Purim Awareness Committee)
HITPIC (Hang In There, Pesach Is Coming)
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BATTLE FOR WEST BANK
RAGES IN FAIR LAWN
FAIR LAWN, March 3—Fighting erupted again this week in the
streets of this once quiet community as the battle for fundamentalist religious control
over the west bank of Route 208 continued unabated.
Members of Congregation Shomrei Torah (Guardians of the Law) have
been locked in battle since Rosh HaShanah with a group of Patersonian refugees for
spiritual control of the territory west of the Route 208 overpass.
The Patersonians, who voluntarily left their homeland last year
to bid for the religious affiliation of west bank residents, have been worshipping in what
observers have described as a refugee camp on Plaza Road, just west of the Green(berg)
Line (Route 208), which divides Fair Lawn into two camps.
The Shomrei Torah settlers had previously relinquished
fundamentalist spiritual control over the east bank of Route 208 to members of a
relatively new congregation, Ahavat Achim (Love of Brothers) which the Guardians always
seem to call Ahavas Achim, and to an unnamed renegade congregation, which has been
surreptitiously meeting Friday evenings in different homes, to avoid being caught by the
ever-vigilant Guardians.
This Shabbat, the same scene which has become familiar each week,
was played out again as one of the Patersonian refugees made a vain attempt to convince an
unsuspecting worshipper arriving at the holiest shrine of the Guardians to abandon his
weekly pilgrimage and pray at the refugee camp instead.
Ancient Kiddush for Purim
Discovered
in Foundation of New Ahavat Achim Shul
Find Confounds Rabbis;Recitation
Required Today
FAIR LAWN, March
3—In one of the most startling archaelogical surprises of this century, an ancient
scroll (containing what was reported to be a special Kiddush for the Purim seudah) was
unearthed when builders of the new Ahavat Achim synagogue penetrated the seemingly endless
layer of water and struck solid ground.
There was no immediate explanation of how such an ancient scroll could be found in
America, but local rabbis were immediately confounded by the halachic issues presented by
the find. An emergency meeting of the RCBC was convened at which it was decreed that all
Fair Lawn residents must recite the kiddush this year. Furthermore, the rabbis declared,
each person, having made Kiddush, must consume at least one gallon of wine and eat at
least four hamantashen, with each hamantash being at least the size of a pack of baseball
cards(without the gum).
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