Purim2001

Hillary and Suha exult over the diplomatic
and personal victories that they achieved.

It's Oscar Time! The Kronikle Presents
ESTHER�S & SIMMY'S PICKS FOR THE 2000 ACADEMY AWARDS

ALMOST SHAIMOS: A Disney animated movie about the adventures of a new siddur that is mistakenly buried with old, torn prayer books.
TRAFFIC: An overturned tractor trailer on the Long Island Expressway on Friday afternoon causes a group of unlikely roommates to check into a hotel together for Shabbat.

WONDER GOYS: A group of non-Jews are fascinated when they realize just how many holidays there are in September and October.
SNOW FALLING ON CEDARHURST: A major winter storm hits only one of the Five Towns, while Hewlett, Inwood, Lawrence, and Woodmere are miraculously spared.
THIRTEEN DAYS: A fanatical man insists on keeping his house free of chametz five days after Pesach is over. The drama escalates as his wife and children pelt him repeatedly in the head with leftover macaroons, pack him in a box with the Pesach dishes and store him in the basement.
CAST AWAY: The animated tale of a roll and his search for meaning after being torn into pieces and tossed into a river for Tashlich.
ERRIN� BROKOWITZ: The story of a Mohel named Shlomo Brokowitz who tries and tries, but just can�t quite get it right.
CROUCHING SHOCHET, HIDDEN CHICKEN: A martial arts saga of a shochet with Samurai training who tries to outsmart an evasive chicken.

RAMALLAH, March 9 � The seemingly unsolvable Mideast crisis that had Israelis and Palestinians fighting each other for more than 50 years came to a sudden end today in a sweeping land-swap agreement that was accepted by both sides and their advisers.

The key architects of the agreement were Hillary Clinton and Suha Arafat, who, working away from the influence of their husbands and the world diplomatic community, negotiated the terms during the closing weeks of the Clinton administration.

The agreement stipulates that former president Bill Clinton, who has had a difficult time deciding where to establish his new office, will relinquish the floor that he had leased in a new Harlem office building and give it to Yasser Arafat, who will establish his headquarters there. Clinton will set up shop in a new office building to be constructed in downtown Ramallah, where he will write his memoirs and plan his new career far from the prying eyes and criticism of the American media. He will also be 5,800 miles from Hillary. Suha will continue living in France, 3,600 miles from her husband.

Former President Clinton, still hoping to leave a legacy of peace in the Middle East, agreed to sell the mansion that he and Hillary purchased last year in the quiet suburban Westchester community of Chappaqua, New York, to the Palestinian people. The Palestinians surprised their religious leaders by abandoning claims to Jerusalem in exchange for a new life in America.

The new Israeli government, headed by Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, was only too happy to release the $50 million in taxes that it has been withholding from the Palestinians pending cessation of hostilities. The Clintons will split the payment with the town of Chappaqua, which will use its half of the funds to construct housing and a new mosque.

Arafat immediately claimed sovereignty over Chappaqua and declared it to be a new state, to be called Chaplestine.

With their $25 million, the Clintons will build two mansions, one in Ramallah for Bill and another in Washington, DC, for Hillary. The Chappaquanian Palestinians will let Hillary live with them during her infrequent trips to New York to maintain her New York State residency requirement.

Arafat�s move to Harlem is not without controversy. The Rev. Al Sharpton is worried about losing press coverage because of Arafat�s presence. But he is expected to accept the situation since it has come to light that, before leaving the White House in January, Clinton pardoned him for any past offenses. Congress is investigating.