Wishing You A Happy Purim!

The Cider House Shuls: A group of Jewish orphans starts two competing synagogues, but they have trouble with aliyot and duchaning because no one knows whose father was a Kohen.
The Green Mohel: This documentary-style film follows a mohel through his first day on the job, and mishaps and misadventures begin as the film's director accidentally yells "cut" to the wrong person.
The Sixth Sense: A little boy's parents are perplexed at their son's eerie ability to know what presents will be given to him on each night of Hanukkah.
Girl, Interrupted: A group of zealous rabbis stops a female a cappella choir from performing due to Kol Isha.
Sleepy Hallah: A balabusta in upstate New York strikes it rich when she discovers an ingredient to add to hallah bread that enables whoever eats it to have an uninterrupted Shabbat nap of at least three hours.
The May Tricks: A month after Pesach, a little boy hides all the bread in his house, convincing his family to give him presents for once again finding the Afikoman.
Wild, Wild Vest: The gabbai takes Simchat Torah happiness too far when he wears a bright purple vest to shul for Hakafot.
Stuart Kittel: A synagogue is delightfully surprised when an adorable talking mouse in a shapeless belted white robe approaches the bimah and leads Rosh Hashana services.

Special to the Kustanowitz Kronikle

     JERUSALEM, March 21 -- Continuing the buying splurge that began earlier this year in the U.S. with the acquisition of Time-Warner, America Online today announced the purchase of El Al Israel Airlines. Just as soon as all planes are repainted, the airline will become AOL-AL (pronounced "A O El Al").
     The announcement, which stunned the transportation and Internet industries, positions America Online to extend its reach to the skies.
     At a press conference at El Al's spacious headquarters at Tel Aviv's Ben Gurion Airport, AOL chairman Steve Case explained some of the reasons for the purchase, which caught Wall Street and the Tel Aviv Stock Exchange completely by surprise.
     On a flight to Tel Aviv last month, Case was annoyed by the constant chatter and motion in the aisles all the way from New York. He realized that wiring all the seats for Internet access would let the passengers log onto AOL and conduct their conversations and minyanim via chat rooms (now to be known as "Jews Shmooze" rooms).
     Also, when drinks were served and placed on napkins, he pulled an AOL CD-ROM out of his briefcase and realized that it made a great coaster. AOL has faced an overstock of the pervasive free-trial CD-ROMs after overestimating the number of them that could be distributed.
     For its part, El Al has been looking for innovative amenities to offer its passengers. The airline successfully launched personal video consoles, and customers have started to ask for Internet access. The merger with America Online addresses these problems and gives AOL-AL a powerful boost in the luxury travel category.
     Terms of the acquisition give El Al stockholders two shares of AOL stock for every El Al share they own, plus 613 hours of free AOL access and a lifetime supply of AOL CD-ROMs. America Online shareholders will receive one share of El Al stock, a Pelephone, and a lifetime supply of hamantashen.