BAGHDAD, March 18 — In a stunning, unexpected discovery while searching for Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction, United Nations weapons inspectors have once again stumbled upon a cave containing previously unknown tractates of what has become known as the Talmud Baghdadi. The first collection of rabbinic disputations was discovered after the Gulf War, and more documents were found by the UN inspection teams of 1998. These tractates — Fressin (the laws of preparing and partaking in a shul kiddush), Nappin (the laws of taking Shabbat afternoon naps), and Meetin (the laws of conduct during shul meetings) — were discussed and samples printed in this publication in 1991 and 1998. (See www.kustanowitz.com for these archived Purim issues.)The new cache of manuscripts includes Tractates Tantzen (the laws of mixed dancing — see sample below), Patchen (the laws of child discipline), and a tantalizing fragment of a Tractate whose name seems to be Sht_pp_n. Not all of the letters can be discerned, but experts believe this to be either a compendium of the laws of pushing and shoving in crowds or stuffing a turkey for Thanksgiving. Some scholars believe that it is an allegorical work alluding to more intimate behavior. Other non-Talmudic documents were also found in the cache, including the one shown here, but scholars have not yet been able to decipher their purpose or meaning.

MYSTERY DOCUMENT:  Also found among Talmud Fragments

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN: A 9- year-old boy escapes from the shul’s Shabbat morning children’s group, and the group leader spends two hours chasing him around the synagogue.
IGBY GOES DOWN: Isaac Gavriel Bar Yosef leaves his Meah Shearim yeshiva in Israel to explore the world of modern Orthodoxy in America.
TWO WEEKS NOTICE: After a particularly grueling day of hamantash baking, a single balabusta falls asleep and wakes up a mere 14 days before Seder night.
ADAPTATION: A group of feminists hack into the computer system at ArtScroll, and write their own version of the Passover Haggadah.
DIVINE SECRETS OF THE YAYA SISTERHOOD: The Sisterhood of Kehilat Yaya in Teaneck plan a secret social dance with the members of the Men's Club.
ATTACK OF THE CLONES: Confusion abounds as thousands of male teenagers return from their year of studying in Israeli yeshivot, all looking and acting exactly the same.
THE SUM OF ALL FEARS: A wave of panic comes over an Orthodox rabbi when he realizes — over breakfast — that the day is, in fact, Tzom Gedaliah.